there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
