I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
