I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
