well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
