i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
