omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
