The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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