He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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