I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
