You're a womanizer and a bitch.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere