Your favorite bartender is back from prision
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
