At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
