i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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