Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
