you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
