The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
