he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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