living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
