I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
