i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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