tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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