Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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