do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
