I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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