eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
