i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
