Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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