I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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