she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
