Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize