Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
