I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
