Pants 0. Shit 1.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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