If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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