Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
