the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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