ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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