So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Randomize