Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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