and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
