i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
