He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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