you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Naked Twister starts at high noon
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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