Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
