Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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