well I can't set my house on fire every night
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
