There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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