Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
