awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
