hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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