GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
