I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
