This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
