how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
