we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
