just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
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