I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
