New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
