"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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