i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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