you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
