I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
