So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Dignity is for republicans.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
