Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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