At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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