just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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