we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
