thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
