Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
