I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
So much rum. So many feels.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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