So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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