just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
