did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
